The sea

I am looking at the sea, remembering that bit of sea I could see from your window.
This is a different sea, calm, blue, crystal clear. The calm sea of Cyprus.

Your tiny bit of sea was raging with high waves breaking near the path.
Like your soul, the sea was getting angry without knowing at what. There was no reason, but souls and seas do not understand reasons. They just rage or stay calm.

The beach is empty, I am alone, sitting in the sand and looking at the sea. It is cold, not only outside. I feel the cold inside. I feel cold because your arms are not around me. They will not be around me anymore. I lost you.

Like a wave you came and like that same wave you left.

Anna Maria

Tonight

Tonight I will be sitting with friends and family around a beautifully set table. It is my first holiday without you.

I will be surrounded by music and laughter, by friends and loving people. You will not be there to wish me a happy holiday, to hug me, to kiss me, to give me a flower.

Tonight I will offer the performance of a great actress. I will smile, sing, dance and pretend being merry.
Inside I will bleed.

A festivity without you is no happy day at all. It is the absolute oxymoron.
I will not disappoint my friends and loved ones; I will smile and make believe I am happy.
Inside I will bleed.

Nobody will know.

Anna Maria

Loving you

You were sad, looked sad and lost. I wanted to share your sadness, take it away from you. I wanted to banish sadness from your heart and didn’t mind taking it with me.
I wanted to see you happy.
Happiness can be shared with many. Sadness can only be shared with those who love you.

I love you. I didn’t choose to love you, it just happened.
It is inevitable, nothing you can do about it, love chooses you and you can’t choose who to love. Cupid’s arrows are invisible.

I fell for you hook, line and sinker and the best I could do was accept the mystery of it all. I knew you were not by my side to stay. I hoped I could make you smile and even laugh before it was over.

The day came and it was over and I just had to let go and be thankful for the joy you brought into my life.
If you loved, you have been alive. I was and am alive and thank Heaven for warming my soul with the wonderful gift of love.

Anna Maria

My soul stopped smiling and to convince it to smile again I took the violin and started playing. The music cleansed my soul and it started smiling again.

The Spanish writer and poet Calderon de la Barca wrote that if love is not insane it is not love at all.
Probably he was right because insanity is creeping on me and the only reason is love. I don’t really mind this, since I believe people that prefer rationality and run away from insanity will never feel real love.

Everything changed so much in such a short time. You went and all of a sudden the world that had a perfect meaning became meaningless. The perfect blossoming rainbow shattered with the absence of your touch.

My thoughts wander to you by themselves and sometimes I feel unable to breathe if I don’t see you again. I am dying inside.

I will never say goodbye because you will always be with me, inside my soul.

Anna Maria

The face of love

Maybe for the world you are just somebody, but to me you are my entire world because I love you.
They say love has many faces, it’s not true. For me it has only one face. Yours is the face of love.

I could see the world in your eyes and your eyes everywhere I went. I wanted to see your love in them, but did not succeed.
Your love wasn’t there, not for me.

I could not stop loving you no matter how hard I tried. Love is life’s sweetest and the most bitter of all mysteries.